Before you begin to yimu, allow me to explain myself. I have never been one to get caught up in fads. The letter series (which is fast becoming an epidemic) going on in blogsville was something I enjoyed reading, but never saw myself participating in. However, I have one huge flaw- where movies are concerned, I am very impressionable. First, I watched For Colored Girls and saw two kids being thrown out a window. I could almost hear the ‘splat!’ their brain matter would have made on the pavement. I cried for days…and then, I carried myself to go and watch Changeling tonight. It was so traumatizing, it forced me to think- what would I do if something happened to my child? The answers that arose in my breast inspired me to write this letter. If there was ever a sea that would surely deliver my words to my baby, it is the internet, and what better bottle is there to house it than my blog?
First off, I want you to know that I love you. You might get to hear this a lot when you grow older (and you might get skeptical) but I loved you even before I knew you. Ever since I carried your Aunty Oma in my arms and watched her pull my hair mischievously because I refused to kiss her, I knew I couldn’t wait for you to arrive. I used think I liked babies before her, used to have a ready (but disgustingly sappy) ‘aww, how cute’ on my lips every time like your female friends would do when they see a baby, but I never really knew what it was to take care of a child, to love a child. Best believe your Aunty Oma taught me that, in the most annoying possible way that she could, and for that, I am grateful.
Writing to you is not the easiest thing to do, Nke’m, because it is so hard to organize my thoughts and coherently say to you all that I want to. I am not going to give you much advice here because I fully intend to be there during your years of formation, God will see to it. I will be there to feed you, to bath you, to hold your little torso while you poo. Those sleepless nights and exhausted days, those heavy eyes, I would go through every single one for you. I may not relish it, but I will cherish it. You are the single most important thing to me in this life, Nke’m. It is important that you understand that. My parents are important, my siblings, my friends, your father, but you? You are the gift God blessed me with. A gift of life. You are my definition of love, my darling, love so abundant that I am amazed that I am even capable of giving it.
Here I am, listening to Kuchi Kuchi (by J’odie) and laughing at how I’m writing this whole post just to tell you how much I love you. Hmm, since we are on the subject, allow me to drop some few words of caution. You would be an omalicha, asampete nwanyi, a radiantly beautiful (or handsome) child, because I am not ugly, and your father isn’t either. Many men are going to come and try and take you, because all men want what is good. You will get tired of hearing ‘I love you’ my dear, it will reduce in stock value; so many fake ones flying around. Heed my words, my child. Only the man who is more ambitious for you than he is for himself possesses genuine love for you. That is the truest sign of love,and that is the one you must get. Heaven forbid that you should have anything less.
I have said a lot, my darling. Imagine, if after all this preparations and prayers, I now never get you…or one stupid fellow would just bring his ugly big coconut head and steal you. That is my greatest fear o, my dear, but that’s all that it is, a mere fear. It is not a worry, because it will never come to pass. I will have you, I will enjoy you, I will love you. I will never get tired of saying it. This is not the most eloquent thing I have written, Nke’m, but for now, it is the most sincere. Hopefully you find this someday while you’re browsing aimlessly, like we are all wont to do. Better make sure all your chores are finished and perfected sha, else, if I catch you…
Last off, hopefully by the time you read this, I would have perfected my little daycare. Yes, my goals are also inspired by you too. Don’t you understand? I love you! I have to hold myself back from devoting everything I do to you, because God has to come first. That is another thing you need to know too. God comes first. He would order your life, your steps, your thoughts and your actions. I may be your mother and ___ may be your father, But God is your Lord, the author and finisher of your faith. He will be there for you when everything else goes.
That being said, let me just say these last words…I hope the world doesn’t end on May 21st.